01/05: Flood
There's probably something wrong with me. Oh, well, OK there definitely is, but that's not what I mean this time. I mean something actually wrong.
It's been over 3 years since I last saw her in person. Then we both started med school. We talked online sometimes, and we had a big argument. Sometimes I think she did it on purpose, to make it easier for us to forget.
And I thought I did, mostly.
She messaged me again today. She's messaged me more this year than in the entire last 3 years combined. It's good to be friendly again. To know she doesn't hate me. But just when I thought I could swim, I drown in the flood of memories. Talking with her I have these sudden urges to try to make her laugh again. Like I used to. It was a nice laugh.
I know this make me look weak. Maybe I am. Maybe it would be easier if the messages didn't come when I have been sitting at my computer alone for some time. Maybe if I haven't only had 1 partner since her, and no girlfriends it would be easier.
On the other hand, I realize I have dodged a bullet. The hot girl that was in my A&E rotation has been dating my friend from the same rotation for about 5 months now. I see the pointless arguments sometimes over the dumbest things. I realize how good it is to be single, being allowed to be selfish.
Being along now, means not losing anyone later.
I do miss the warm body in the bed though. I do miss having someone to make laugh, that made me want to impress, that made me work harder to be a better person.
It's been over 3 years since I last saw her in person. Then we both started med school. We talked online sometimes, and we had a big argument. Sometimes I think she did it on purpose, to make it easier for us to forget.
And I thought I did, mostly.
She messaged me again today. She's messaged me more this year than in the entire last 3 years combined. It's good to be friendly again. To know she doesn't hate me. But just when I thought I could swim, I drown in the flood of memories. Talking with her I have these sudden urges to try to make her laugh again. Like I used to. It was a nice laugh.
I know this make me look weak. Maybe I am. Maybe it would be easier if the messages didn't come when I have been sitting at my computer alone for some time. Maybe if I haven't only had 1 partner since her, and no girlfriends it would be easier.
On the other hand, I realize I have dodged a bullet. The hot girl that was in my A&E rotation has been dating my friend from the same rotation for about 5 months now. I see the pointless arguments sometimes over the dumbest things. I realize how good it is to be single, being allowed to be selfish.
Being along now, means not losing anyone later.
I do miss the warm body in the bed though. I do miss having someone to make laugh, that made me want to impress, that made me work harder to be a better person.