The adventures of ericdb

haha, so I am a little more rational and less drunk today.

I was really frustrated and horny. I felt like I was used, teased, and blocked.

But in hindsight, I think it was for the best that she did what she did.

I am glad that I didn't have sex with her while we were both shitfaced.

Maybe she was serious about not taking advantage of her, maybe not, but it doesn't matter.

I made the right decision regardless by leaving and not making any advances, even if she was playing some game.

And nothing ever comes good from random drunken sex anyways. Well, mostly.

She also was cool with me today, so I will talk to her about it eventually (if she even remembers).

But again, I definitely made the right decision. And I was drunk! That has to be a first.

I probably shouldn't be blogging right now, but I am pretty fucking pissed off.

I just spent the night with my friend. Her boy friend is off in Alaska fishing for a living.

She starting flirting with me hard a bit into the night.

She hung all over me, telling me that "her and her boyfriend broke up."

Really?

She continued to flirt with me hard.

We danced. She poked my hard on a few times.

Then she played the. "don't hit on me " card. "I still love my boyfriend." Whom you know.

OK. Drunk happens.

But it starts up again. Pretty hard flirting. Past flirting... prelude to sex.

I am tired, so I am going to skip to the end.

She is lying on the bad with her tits out saying," don't you take advantage of me."

She was living out some fantasy, but fuck that.

I am not going to be made the bad guy, just because it is your fantasy.

I WILL NOT BE MADE THE BAD GUY!

If it was just a fun fantasy, then she should have told me.

She kept bringing up her boyfriend and what not.

Fuck that... I'm out.

I was getting my morning coffee, and on my way back I noticed a 7 year old girl having trouble walking. I wanted to say hi, but I didn't. Her mommy was very patient. She walked with her legs apart, one arm in the air for balance, slowly moving along. I stopped halfway back to the lab and went back to find her. I wanted to make her smile. I found her leaving the building with her mommy, and I followed them. At one point her mommy turned and picked her up, I think she was tired of walking. I followed them out the door and then she turned to me. My heart almost ripped from my chest, as her face was deformed by normal standards, but I got to wave hi! She looked at me again, and I waved again. I got a hint of a smile, but it was hard to tell. I wish I could be her friend and make her happy. Her mommy and her walked off. I took a walk around campus, hoping I gave her some happiness, even for a second. I cried. She was very nice.

I am heading out this weekend for south Texas.

Gonna hit Austin a few times, San Antonio, Corpus Christi, Dallas, and then fly through Vegas on the way home.

I think I finally have this vacation stuff figured out.

I start with friends, then move to the mom's side of the family for a few days, then go down to see friends, then my dad, then some more friends, then to Vegas to blow all my money.

Balance is key. Never too long in one place.



I should be able to see some good bands in SXSW in Austin the first week I am in town.

I already have plans to see a few women I used to have fun with, however, one is married now.

Gonna hit the big St. Patrick's day party in Dallas.

Get to see how my step dad is holding up.

One fun thing is that in Vegas a group of grad students are meeting me there, as well as my normal Vegas crowd of rowdy biker ex Marines. :D Should make for interesting dynamics. I am guessing I will have to spend time with both separately.



I have a laptop now (that I am going to start using one day), so I will pop in from time to time when I need my Walnut fix. :)

Hopefully I will have some fun stories when I get back.

Has anyone ever swallowed their pride, and just told your friends something that you thought that you might never tell anyone?

Held your breath waiting for a response, nervous.

Then were completely ignored.

Maybe from fear of the moment, maybe from just not giving a shit.

Wish I would have kept my mouth shut.

Me: Hi >smiles<

Mom: >smiles<

young boy about 5ish: You look like a monster?

Mom: That's not a nice thing to say. >while smirking<

Me: I am a Monster.

young boy about 5ish: >semi shocked look<

Mom: >concerned look<

Me: But, I am a good monster.

young boy about 5ish: oooooh


Me: bye bye

Mom: bye

young boy about 5ish: bye nice monster

I guess I am not a pretty as I thought I was. :D He was a little pal though.

I tried this website out where you are randomly connected to people and chat with them.

It was kind of fun at first, but I quickly learned the truth of the matter.

1) All guys.

2) No one talked to me. Except one, but I ended that conversation fast. Polite... but fast.

So my excitement died down quickly. Just a bunch of guys getting ready to show there cocks to anyone that will look. But I did browse a bit, sitting in my PJs sipping wine.

Highlights...

There was a guy that was under his blanket wanking, with just his head sticking out to see who was chatting. :D

The only guy other than the gay guy to not disconnect me was some strange shadow character with his brightness turned down real low so I could only see his eyes. Spooky.

I saw my mentors (bosses) neighbor!!! I wonder if he is thinking right now, "Was that Eric?" :D

So that is it. I might try again in the daytime. Maybe there with be some more friendly (less horny) people around then.

Also, I don't want to seem like I am on a high horse here. I just want to be polite before I show my cock. I assume that women that go on this thing are there to explore cocks. They would have to be. If they even exist.


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So tonight, since I am a total moron, I got dressed up in my Halloween costume (Rorschach from the Watchmen) and browsed around the random cam domain. There were some girls this time, but much more guys. I definitely got more reactions and people to talk to me for a bit. I think people go on there to be shocked, because people just sitting there get passed over. Maybe I'll do my Hannibal Lector bit from the challenges next time.

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OK, so I have completely worn out the newness of this website. Only 48 hours, and I am bored. I think I am done with this place.

Talked with 4-5 reasonable people (young and old)...

had ONE girl talk to me...

was told I was an old pervert by 2 separate groups of girls...

was shown balls by a group of frat boys...

Sang 'Black or White' (Micheal Jackson) with some guy...

was flicked off a dozen times...

people attempted to make me feel insecure with myself 3-4 times (telling me I'm ugly and whatnot)...

A demon masked guy staring at me. I thought I would best him, but after five minutes I had to give up...

Saw one girl rubbing her clit like something crazy for about 30 seconds...

saw 30-40 guys jacking off...

saw 2 pairs of titties...

danced with two separate guys for 4-5 minutes to various music titles. They like you after that...

had three Marine ROTC boys call me a hippie...

favorite line: "Look at him drinking a beer, likes he's cool." :D

...but mostly it can all be summed up in three categories...
1) People playing with themselves.
2) groups of young girls or guys trying to make fun of you (girls are mean).
3) People trying to make you laugh (and/or shock you).

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OK, so one more experiment. I went in which the owl glasses and lab coat for 15 minutes, and I went in shirtless with a ball cap for 15 minutes. Interesting indeed. I was made fun of for being old, blind, stupid, and a dork for the first 15 minutes, and then I was made fun of for "having my life figured out" and being gay the last 15 minutes. I think people just like to make fun of people. It makes me sad. What do they lack in their lives? Just sad! But funny also, from my point of view. Nothing quite like a pizza faced 22 year old who can't speak with his cap on sideways telling you your flaws. :D

Though after all that negativity... I did find at least one guy in every 30 or so, from many countries all over the world, that would have a short conversation with me and replenish my faith. Life is fun, this website is not.

So, I have done this cycle for the last... probably 6-7 years. I will go without companionship for months, then about twice a year, I go though about a two month period where I try to get back into the "game".

Over the last few months I have been on "dates", hung out with a really cool wild girl for a few weeks, got lucky with a few girls, and most recently had a disappointing episode involving to much booze. I always come out of it depressed. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining here, it is just the way I am. It always leaves me flat. Then I regress and do my own thing for a while with no pursuit of women what so ever.

It is just the women cheating on men, men cheating on women, dealing with all of the extras, failed intercourses due to uninhibited alcohol consumption, being cock blocked by the instilling of small penis fear, etc. The last one is obviously more specific to my recent predicament, but it all comes down to the fact that I can't get past in my own mind that people can be so disappointing. I am sure a lot of people find me disappointing and think I am to much of a softy. But it is who I am.

So yet again I am through dealing with these situations that just continually depress me. I know everyone is different, and I know that there is a good chance that the "scene" that I chose to hang out in plays a large role, but I can feel the change again. No desire to go on dates, no desire to pursue women, no desire to go out and try and meet people, no desire for intimate personal interaction for a bit.

Oh, it will come back. I am guessing May, start of summer, I will decide to try again for a while. And like always and with everything there will be successes and failures. I think I can only take so much for so long though.

A cute cowgirl flirted with me last night, and I returned the favor. It was one of those situations where I would have had to try not to get laid. I few times I would sneak a kiss, or place her hand on my crotch, or rub hers while pressing against her backside. The flirting progressed rapidly throughout the night, and we eventually ended up back at my shack.

She was fun, and a good kisser, but it was the normal Friday night. I was drunk, and once we had undressed one another we both soon realized that I wasn't going to be able to perform.

There is nothing more frustrating in the world than having a cute, freckle faced girl ten years my junior desperately cramming my flaccid penis inside her after having been heated up all night by me. The disappointment in her face was very apparent. I managed to make some jokes, but it didn't relieve my disappointment, let alone hers.

I figured might as well do something fun, so I told her to sit on my face. After some riding, this soon turned into a 69 position, which mildly got me going again. So... she went for a second try, in vain.

She soon left, very unsatisfied, and very disappointed. :-[

Probably the last time that cowgirl takes home a drunken older man. Of course if I see her again at uni I will not allow the situation to be awkward, but I will still see the disappointment in her eyes.

Maybe it is time to slow my drinking down. I am getting old I suppose.

I am off again to Yellowstone for our major annual sampling trip.

Man it sucks that is always seems to fall on opening weekend of football, but I have a friend to record it for me.

I will be gone, and truly celibate, for a little less than a week. Every year when I get back I am just chomping at the bit. Semi hard on, seeing all the women around town again just gets the blood pumping. Sadly I currently have no friends in town, so my options are either to go pursue a woman when I get back, or beat off 5 times in one day. :P

I haven't been with a woman since my surgery. I am going on almost 5 months now! At least times flies when your an old fart like me (according to number 4), so you barely even notice it. Just in case your interested, my friend that visited a few weeks back that I bought the cock ring for never gave me an opening. First time. I guess as soon as you start expecting something is exactly when it never happens. Her relationship might be getting serious. Good for her, if that is what she wants.

I think it is time to get back into the game. My scar has pretty much gone from disgusting to cool, and it wouldn't inhibit me in any way... that I can foresee. A cute cowgirl has shown interest in me the last few weeks, but I didn't pay much attention to her the last time we went out because it was my friends birthday. While I know that I will have little to nothing in common with a Montana cowgirl, maybe I just need to give her some fun? And in return she can end my drought of post-surgery celibacy. :)

One last sampling trip, then I should be done. Hopefully. I do love Yellowstone, but camping there with your mentor for extended periods of time begins to get old after the first 2-3 years.

Let hope that I don't become a bears meal on my last sampling trip! Just in case, I am so glad I met all of you and wish you the best in life here on out. :P

I am going to sneak a bottle of whiskey out there this time to get me though the cold nights (which I am already dipping into tonight). At least I get to sleep in a rent-a-van this year instead of the cold, damp ground; or the ice cold bed of my truck. They won't let us sleep at the hot spring anymore. New rules and regulations. And my truck probably wouldn't make it down there anymore. She is getting old.

Well... one last wank! Then I'm off to bed...