So, I have done this cycle for the last... probably 6-7 years. I will go without companionship for months, then about twice a year, I go though about a two month period where I try to get back into the "game".

Over the last few months I have been on "dates", hung out with a really cool wild girl for a few weeks, got lucky with a few girls, and most recently had a disappointing episode involving to much booze. I always come out of it depressed. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining here, it is just the way I am. It always leaves me flat. Then I regress and do my own thing for a while with no pursuit of women what so ever.

It is just the women cheating on men, men cheating on women, dealing with all of the extras, failed intercourses due to uninhibited alcohol consumption, being cock blocked by the instilling of small penis fear, etc. The last one is obviously more specific to my recent predicament, but it all comes down to the fact that I can't get past in my own mind that people can be so disappointing. I am sure a lot of people find me disappointing and think I am to much of a softy. But it is who I am.

So yet again I am through dealing with these situations that just continually depress me. I know everyone is different, and I know that there is a good chance that the "scene" that I chose to hang out in plays a large role, but I can feel the change again. No desire to go on dates, no desire to pursue women, no desire to go out and try and meet people, no desire for intimate personal interaction for a bit.

Oh, it will come back. I am guessing May, start of summer, I will decide to try again for a while. And like always and with everything there will be successes and failures. I think I can only take so much for so long though.